we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
