She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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