i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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