so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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