So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
