I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They took my balls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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