you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
