Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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