I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
