Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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