Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
