I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
