Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
