Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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