Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
