grandma shit on top of the toilet
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
