I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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