Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
please don't ironically join a cult
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