Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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