There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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