Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize