I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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