I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
