yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
