omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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