i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
whose parrot is this?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I supernannyed him into submission
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
