New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
