Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
