Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
