glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
