His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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