Jerry, you need to find god
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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