i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize