Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
