I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is Oprah even human
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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