i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
