dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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