??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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