just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize