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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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