we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
