This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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