They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
