So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
