I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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