I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Randomize
