Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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