Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
