I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
