Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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