I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
