walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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