Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
