If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hippo gnu deer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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