Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I smell stomach acid.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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