It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
