know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
