I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
