god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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