I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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