I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
