So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
