I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
