The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
