That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
