Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
