Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
