fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no. you can't hotbox the world.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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