you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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