Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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