Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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