dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
