I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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