Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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