wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
