she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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