Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
