I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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