you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
